


Stoneware Sets

by rhetoricalrogue



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, One Shot, Post-Dragon Age II Quest - The Deep Roads Expedition, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 11:50:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhetoricalrogue/pseuds/rhetoricalrogue
Summary: Some plates will shatter to pieces when dropped.  Others will rattle about, but land without a crack in them.





	Stoneware Sets

Sebastian doesn’t remember much from the first time that he met Hawke. He was too upset, too _angry_ to form an opinion of the woman as he walked off, his long legs taking him as far away from the Chantry as fast as they could. What he did notice as he gave her a cursory glance in passing was that she was short, had dark hair, and stood protectively in front of another woman at least a few inches taller than her who wore a red bandanna tied around her throat. What did filter in through the red haze that had clouded his vision was that she was pretty, but that was more of an old reaction upon seeing an unfamiliar woman than an actual thought out opinion.

He found himself in the Blooming Rose that evening. When he realized where his feet had led him, he had let out a long, low laugh that was born more out of grief than humor. He found it ironic that out of all the places to go after hearing that his entire family had been slaughtered, a brothel was the first place he stumbled into as he tried to rid himself of the heaviness that had settled down on him, especially since his family had sent him to the Chantry to avoid such temptations in the first place.

The madam was kind as he stumbled through a halfway-articulated reason for his presence; he had spent much of his time in Kirkwall providing aid to the women in her employ by way of food and compassion towards their families. As thanks, she led him to her office and left a bottle of good whiskey for him at her desk with the assurance that he could stay there as long as he liked.

Sebastian didn’t talk aside from thanking her for being so gracious, but he did weep when he was left alone, his face buried in his hands. He left the office after an hour or so and slowly made his way back to the Chantry. If Elthina noticed the scent of perfume that clung to his clothes as he knelt and lit candles in his family’s memory, she didn’t comment.

He hadn’t touched the whiskey.

* * *

Sebastian actually counts the second time he met Hawke to be their first meeting. He had been standing close to the entrance of the Chantry waiting for a delivery of texts to be placed in the nearby storeroom when she had walked in. While his first glimpse of her may have brought the word pretty to mind, his second closer look blew that first knee-jerk assessment completely out of the water. It was as if the angry buzzing that had constantly woven its way through the fog of grief in his head present since pinning his note to the Chanter’s board had suddenly stopped, leaving a sense of calm in its wake unlike anything he had ever felt before. She was _beautiful_ , though not in the way that the poets wrote about or the standards of beauty that he himself had held women to in his youth. Yes, she had large, expressive eyes in the darkest shade of blue and a sweet mouth that seemed as if it had been shaped for kissing, but those features fuzzed to the background of Sebastian’s mind, the overall serene countenance of her face capturing his full attention. It was hard not to feel anything but peace in her presence and it shouldn’t have surprised him one bit when she informed him that she and her friends had taken care of the mercenaries responsible for his family’s deaths. In that moment, Hawke was like an avenging spirit made flesh, Maker-sent to answer his prayers. In his gratitude, Sebastian had offered more gold to her than his reward had originally stated, and he could see that she fought with the idea of taking it before handing it back to him on the stipulation that he donate it to the Chantry instead.

“I don’t feel right about taking it,” she had told him. “I’ve… _we’ve_ collected more than enough to fund the expedition.” He couldn’t help but ask her about her business, if only to have her with him for a few moments longer. She explained that she, her sister Bethany, and her friends Varric and Fenris were headed into the Deep Roads. He promised her that he would pray for her safety until her party returned.

“Hawke…” He didn’t know why he’d felt compelled to ask. “Why did you help me, if not for the money?”

She had looked at him with such a sad expression that he’d regretted asking her the question. “Because I know what it’s like to lose a family member. My younger brother, Carver…he didn’t make it out of Ferelden. Losing one person has been hard; I can’t even begin to imagine what it must feel like to lose everyone.” She had hesitated, but took a breath and put her hand against his forearm. “I know that we just met, but if you ever feel like talking, I live in Lowtown, close to the Hanged Man. Just ask for Elsa and someone will point you in the right direction.”

He’d smiled at her, grateful to have a name to go with the face. “Thank you. And if _you_ ever need to talk, I live in Hightown, extremely close to the Chantry. Just ask for Sebastian and one of the sisters will show you where I’m at.”

She had smiled back and it was as if the sun had shone through a dark cloud, warming him from the inside out. “I knew that underneath all that seriousness there was a man who could crack a joke. I may take you up on your offer, Sebastian. It’s been far too long since I’ve attended services.” She looked down. “After everything that happened in Lothering and that first year here, I’ve felt as if I’ve lost my faith. With this new opportunity coming up and everything that’s happened recently, I feel as if I’m finally back on the right path.”

They had said their goodbyes shortly after and Sebastian had kept his promise to her, praying daily for her safe return.

Hawke had kept her promise as well. She had entered the Chantry long after services for the day had been over and sat in one of the pews. Sebastian hadn’t been aware of her presence until one of the sisters had quietly notified him. When he sat down beside her, he saw how filthy she was, as if she had just arrived back after her trip. She didn’t say anything, but he could tell something was wrong by the way that tears had made clean tracks across her dirty cheeks and by how tightly she clung to a red bandanna in her hands.

There was no second guessing or hesitation. He’d opened his arms and held her as she cried against his shoulder, explaining in between sobs what had happened to Bethany.

After some time, she had thanked him for his kindness and left. She didn’t come back for services and he hadn’t wanted to interrupt her privacy while she mourned the loss of her sister.

He did light candles and pray for Bethany Hawke. With each service Elsa didn’t come to, he said a brief prayer for her as well, beseeching the Maker to give her strength when she needed it the most.

* * *

Sebastian didn’t see her again for quite some time. He had heard about her deeds, of course. She had been doing more than her part to keep the streets of Kirkwall safe, plus she had been busy trying to petition the Viscount to give her family home back to her. He’d heard word of her picking up various requests off the Chanter’s Board, but he’d kept his distance, thinking that she would speak to him when she was ready to. He shook his head at his foolishness; obviously he had read more into their brief conversation than what had been there and the fact that she had gone to the Chantry after her sister’s death hadn’t been about him. She said for herself that she had lost her faith and was slowly finding it again; seeking solace in the Chantry after being dealt such a harsh blow had been her way of dealing with her grief so soon after, just as his fleeing to the Rose had been for him.

“I’d like to help.” Sebastian was standing close to the entrance, organizing the storage room when her voice prompted him to turn around. The sunlight coming from the open door seemed to ring a halo around her in such a way that it felt hard for him to breathe. It was the first time that he had seen her in almost a year and from up close, he was surprised again at the differences in their height. She looked even smaller, more delicate, out of the patched up armor that he had seen her in last, even though he knew by her reputation that she was perfectly capable of taking on Carta thugs and bandits without blinking an eye. 

Yet that serenity that had been in her face at their first meeting was gone. In its place was a tiredness that went well past physical exhaustion. It made him want to ask her not only when the last time she had slept was, but when was the last time she had been at ease.

“Pardon?” It wasn’t the most eloquent thing to come out of his mouth, but it was all he could muster at the sight of her standing in the doorway, unsure if she was welcome or not.

She bit at her bottom lip in indecision and twisted her fingers nervously together. “The expedition is starting to pay off,” she started. “For the first time in a very long while I haven’t had to work every moment of my life to make enough money to buy bread or worry about having a roof over my head. I…”

“You aren’t one to sit still for long?” he asked, trying his best to help her when he saw her falter.

She nodded. “I can’t believe I’m saying this about the house in Lowtown, but without Bethany, it feels too big and empty to stay by myself, and I feel as if I’m imposing on my friends if I hang around for too long. I figured that the Chantry may have need of volunteers.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Hawke, but most of the positions are already filled up.” He raised a hand to touch her shoulder. She had such a crestfallen expression that he wanted to do anything to try to make her smile again. “Yet if you truly would like to help, there’s a storeroom that needs straightening. It would take me all afternoon to do it by myself, but it would go by faster if two people shared the load.”

She straightened her shoulders. “I thought I just told you that I don’t want to impose on my friends by wearing out my welcome,” she said.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. They’d only spoken twice, yet she considered him one of her friends? “You aren’t imposing, Hawke,” he said, his tongue finally ungluing from the roof of his mouth. “And you can _never_ wear out your welcome with me.”

She did smile then, but it was a small, barely there curve of her mouth. Something told Sebastian that she hadn’t had much to smile about in a while. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he told her.

Her eyes widened and her lips parted slightly before she nodded. “Thank you,” she finally said. She trailed after him into the storage room and began following his example of stacking up books. “You’re the first person that’s said that to me since we got back from the expedition.” There was a stretch of silence before she continued. “I don’t mean that everyone’s _not_ sorry; everyone has been there for my mother and me in their own fashion, but no one has come out and said the words. I think out of everyone, Aveline and Anders have been the closest to say something, but they think that…” she trailed off, at a loss for words.

“They think that you’ll break if they say the wrong thing,” he supplied. Truthfully, he thought the same, but he could see that Hawke needed a friendly ear to talk to and he was glad to supply it.

“We had some plates in Lothering, a china set that broke when someone handled it the wrong way. Carver broke more than his fair share before Father asked Bethany to bring them down during feast days and special occasions.” She ran her fingers over the spine of a nearby book. “She always had a gentler hand than any of us. My mother reminds me of those plates. With my father’s death, then Carver’s barely three years later and escaping Lothering only to find that her family home had been lost in a card game, Mother was already like a plate that had too many stress fractures in it. Coming home without Bethany broke her and it seems as if _nothing_ I do can repair the damage. I’ve spent these past six months trying _so hard_ to make up for my failure in the Deep Roads, but…”

Sebastian stopped her. “What happened there was _not_ your fault, Hawke.” His heart twisted at the thought that she had spent all this time blaming herself for something that had been out of her hands.

“I could have listened to Mother when she begged me to leave Bethany behind. I could have forced Bethany to stay in Kirkwall.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, her eyes trained on the stack of books in front of her. In the low candlelight of the storeroom, Sebastian could see the sheen of tears that blurred her eyes and the fine tremble of her lip. Then he watched as she straightened her spine and he saw a glimpse of the woman who had come into the Chantry to inform him of completing the job he had posted. There was a grim determination in her face, but it was tempered with kindness and compassion and such a depth of sadness that all he wanted to do was offer her any comfort he possibly could.

“I’m not bone china,” she said, looking up at him. “I won’t break if someone drops me.”

“No,” he agreed. “You’re more like stoneware, strong and durable and able to take whatever life throws at you.” He moved towards her and he watched as if someone else took over his body while his hand moved towards her face to brush a lock of hair away from her cheek. “But being strong doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Don’t ever think of yourself as a burden to your friends, or to me.”

“Thank you, Sebastian. You have no idea how much that means to me.” She gave him another smile, and while he knew that she was trying her best to lighten the mood that had come over them, he could tell that her smile was forced for his benefit. 

He waited for her to open up further, but the topics of their conversation shifted as they worked from something so personal to the safer territory of everyday goings on in Kirkwall. As time went on, Sebastian couldn’t stop looking at her from the corner of his eye. The tension in her shoulders seemed to lessen the longer they talked and her smiles began to come a little more freely, finally reaching her eyes.

Their work in the storeroom was over before they knew it, Sebastian offering to walk her home. To his delight, she invited him to stop at a small Hightown shop for tea and he had the pleasure of being in her company for a little while longer.

“I know I’ve said it before, but thank you for today,” she told him as she escorted him to her home’s entrance. “You’ve been incredibly kind.”

“You’re welcome. We’re friends, Hawke, I…”

She interrupted him. “Elsa. Everyone calls me Hawke nowadays. I miss being called by my given name. It reminds me of when everything was so much simpler.”

“Elsa,” he agreed, warmth blooming in his chest at the way her lips curved upwards and a smile, a real smile, made her eyes shine. “I meant what I said. We’re friends, and if you ever need anything, you know where to find me.”

She nodded. “The same goes for you, Sebastian. And once the Viscount agrees to hand over the deed to Mother for her house, I’m going to be even closer, so you don’t have any excuse not to come by whenever you’d like.”

He bade her goodnight and walked the streets of Lowtown and back up to the Chantry with a light step and hope in his heart.

The next morning during first services, he spied her sitting in one of the pews. Her mother was with her and Sebastian saw how grief had aged Leandra Hawke far too quickly. He couldn’t hear her from his spot, but he watched Elsa’s lips move as she followed along. 

For a brief moment, Sebastian’s thoughts strayed from the Canticle of Trials and he closed his eyes to offer up a silent prayer.

 _Maker, keep her whole. Give her the peace she so rightfully deserves._ He opened up his eyes and his heart skipped a beat when he saw that she had spied him. She gave him a smile and he couldn’t help but smile back in return. _And grant me the ability to make her smile as often as possible._


End file.
